Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
