ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone came in the potted fern
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
