What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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