"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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