hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
