Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
