I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
