dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
