Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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