Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
