I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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