there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dick very happy bro
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
