My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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