No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
