That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
