I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
