dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
