I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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