erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
