i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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