yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
