ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
