I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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