Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wanna go halves on a baby?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
