i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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