I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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