I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
