just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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