Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
