turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
