I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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