i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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