I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
