I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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