I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
