So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
