From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
