You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
did i just pee glitter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
