Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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