did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
