I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
