none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
