This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
