Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
