Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love having hate sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
