yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
