Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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