I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
