My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
