I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
