It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
