How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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