he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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